


Maybe I Want My Anxiety to Stay

by PoorUnfortunateSoul



Series: Kenhina Week 2016 [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Anxiety, Distance, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, KenHina Week 2016, M/M, mostly fluff tbh, supportive Kuroo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-04
Updated: 2016-05-04
Packaged: 2018-06-06 04:09:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 911
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6737659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PoorUnfortunateSoul/pseuds/PoorUnfortunateSoul
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's the only thing I have to ease the pain, of the distance that took you away. </p><p>-<br/>Kenhina Week Day One - Distance</p>
            </blockquote>





	Maybe I Want My Anxiety to Stay

**Author's Note:**

> Title Credit - The Distance That Took You Away by SayWeCanFly

Of all the bad habits in the world, Kenma wasn't quite sure how he ended up with his. He wished it was something different.

 

Maybe he trade Kuroo for his nail biting. Sure, sometimes he bit too far and there was always blood under his finger-nails, but Kenma would still trade him. He knew how to break that habit.

 

You put some kind of foul tasting chunk of food under your finger-nails, and sooner or later you'll associate it with a bad taste. That bad taste would make him stop gnawing at them.

 

Or maybe he'd take Lev's. If Kenma harboured all that nervous energy in his smaller body, maybe he'd get so used to moving that he wouldn't be so lazy all the time anymore. Not that he wanted to be all that active, but it had to be better than this.

 

The worst part is that he _knows_  he's doing it; knows that has been since that day Shouyou reached for his hand and he'd shoved it in his pocket instead, murmuring something about it being cold and fingers clutching at the fabric on the inside. Shouyou didn't even falter, just wrapped his arm around Kenma's waist instead and declared that his body heat would keep him warm.

 

It'd only gotten worse from there and, eventually, Kenma wasn't even making excuses anymore. He stopped holding Shouyou's hand, stopped saying "yes" all the time when they tried to cut time out of their busy schedules to see each other, and stopped answering Shouyou's texts.

 

It wasn't even anything he'd done - it was all Kenma. He had the worst habit of putting distance between himself and someone he cared about. Hell, if he didn't see Kuroo everyday, they probably would've stopped being friends a long time ago.

 

Kenma knew why he didn't date. Every time he tried, the other person got annoyed with the distance he put between them, and then they left. It wouldn't be a problem if what they always screamed at him before leaving had been right, if he really didn't care about them. But he DID and that's what made everything hard for him.

 

Kenma genuinely cared about the people he was with, but he couldn't afford to express it. Even the tiniest hint of him caring made someone tease him, and even though it they were all jokes, all the talks of Kenma being a robot and - whoa! Is that emotions he's expressing? - are just that. Jokes.

 

But still, they make his cheeks flush and his chest ache and not in the good way. He didn't like the jokes, didn't like people questioning his behaviour, and didn't like growing attached to people just to see them walk away, so he always left first.

 

When he'd finally broke down and told Kuroo about all this, he'd shook his head and said, "If you don't want him to leave, you have to tell him, kitten. It's probably another one of your anxiety things."

 

"You think?" Kenma asked weakly.

 

"Sure," Kuroo said, shrugging. "Anxiety disorders don't just affect you physically, they affect how you act and the way you think."

 

Kenma hummed and went back to feigning disinterest.

 

"Maybe if I'd spent half as much of the time researching my diagnoses that you did, I would've known. I also would've missed out on a lot of outings too, though," he teased.

 

Kuroo scowled and knocked his knee against Kenma's.

 

"I'm just looking out for you."

 

Kenma smiled. "I know."

 

-  
The next day, Kenma went back to answering Shouyou's texts. If he noticed Kenma's sudden reappearance, he didn't say anything, much to Kenma's relief.

 

They talked on the phone that night, and Kenma tried to explain himself.

 

"Isn't that an introvert thing?" Shouyou asked.

 

It took Kemma a few seconds to answer, having been half-lulled to sleep by Shouyou's soft breathing.

 

"Hmm?"

 

"Suddenly dropping off the face of the Earth," he explained, making Kenma flinch back into complete awareness. "Like, you have to take a break from people sometimes, and recharge? Yamaguchi's like that. He says that only certain people don't drain him, and that its no ones fault; it's just the way he is. Isn't that the way you are, too?"

 

Kenma uncurled himself on his bed. Stretching out his toes, he said, "I guess? I don't know. Kuroo thinks it's because of my anxiety."

 

"Which is also just the way you are."

 

Kenma clutched the sheets of his bed. The air became thicker, and harder to breathe in.

 

"Thank you for telling me," Shouyou continued.

 

"... Thank you?" Kenma asked, the confusion warding off the on-coming anxiety.

 

"Yeah. It sounded like it was hard for you to talk about, but you still did it. You must care about me a lot."

 

"Well - I mean - I, um," Kenma stammered, completely flustered.

 

"I care about you a lot, too,"Shouyou decided. "Like, a lot a lot. Like whoa! So much, Kenma. I'm gonna be so supportive of you that you'll get tired of me. Just tell me when you need to recharge, okay?"

 

Kenma smiled and his chest filled with warmth.

 

"I think Kuroo's got you there," he mused, curling back on his side.

 

"Wah! No fair!" Shouyou practically screeched. "He's known you longer, he had a head start! Just you wait, I'll surpass him!"

 

Kenma smiled. "I don't doubt you."

 

"Good," Shouyou breathed, closing the distance Kenma had felt between them just hours earlier with just a few simple words.

**Author's Note:**

> IT HAS BEGUN & I'M SO EXCITED.
> 
> I do apologize for this one though, it's midnight and I've been up since 5 A.M. so there's probably a lot of mistakes but I was too excited to wait until a decent time to text my friend and make him proofread this. Oops. 
> 
> Come talk to me about Kenhina on [Tumblr!](xxpoorunfortunatesoulxx)


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